


Pretend

by pollolyn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Possibly OOC, fluff at the ending, iwaizumi accidentally hurting oikawa, mentions of hanamaki, mentions of matsukawa, not physically but yeah, oikawa hurting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6599761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollolyn/pseuds/pollolyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa likes Iwaizumi. </p>
<p>Oikawa never noticed the way he acted around others, never really thought much about it. Everything came out of him like a rehearsed script - at least with everyone but his ‘Iwa-chan’. The day Oikawa knew he liked liked Iwaizumi (as he often so eloquently put), was under a starry sky when they were still fairly young children. Iwaizumi had placed his arm around Oikawa’s shoulders and they sat in silence. Silent except save the racing heartbeat of Oikawa Tooru.</p>
<p>Now they were still close - if possible, even closer than they were - and Oikawa was content with being his really good childhood friend. As long as he was able to pretend when he was around his grumpy friend, then he’ll be fine. </p>
<p>That’s right. </p>
<p>Pretend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> heyy i haven't written anything in a while so i'm a bit rusty!!! unedited and im sorry for any mistakes >o

Oikawa’s POV

Oikawa likes Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa never noticed the way he acted around others, never really thought much about it. Everything came out of him like a rehearsed script - at least with everyone but his ‘Iwa-chan’. The day Oikawa knew he liked liked Iwaizumi (as he often so eloquently put), was under a starry sky when they were still fairly young children. Iwaizumi had placed his arm around Oikawa’s shoulders and they sat in silence. Silent except save the racing heartbeat of Oikawa Tooru.

Now they were still close - if possible, even closer than they were - and Oikawa was content with being his really good childhood friend. As long as he was able to pretend when he was around his grumpy friend, then he’ll be fine. 

That’s right. 

Pretend

‘Hug him like you’re trying to suffocate him, like you’re trying to embarrass him. Not because you’ve missed him.’ Oikawa would repeat in his head. ‘Call his name like you’re trying to gain attention. Not like you want him to look at you in endearment and understand how much you’ve missed him.’ 

A deep breath. 

“Iwa-chan!” His voice resonated through the school hall, female students nearby giggling at his enthusiasm as he practically skipped his way to Iwaizumi, before leaping on his back. “Iwa-chan, let’s go eat lunch together!” 

Iwaizumi cursed loudly at the sudden hug from behind - had he not been used to this kind of treatment from Oikawa, he definitely would’ve face-planted into the floor. “Oikawa, what the-?! We always eat lunch together, what is wrong with you-?” 

“Ahh, don’t be so mean!” Oikawa replied in a sickeningly sweet voice, “Iwa-chan tends to avoid me, it makes me lonely~” 

“You’re an idiot, shittykawa.” Iwaizumi mumbled, though sounding irritated, Oikawa knew that there was no ill intent behind his words. At least that’s what Iwaizumi always said. Though such words tended to hurt, coming from him especially, if it meant he could spend time with his Iwa-chan then it was fine. 

Even if the romantic feelings Oikawa had been harbouring towards him were not likely to be reciprocated anytime soon, as long as they were friends then everything was definitely fine. 

They were friends, right?  
The two ate in the classroom, with other students chatting amongst themselves - Iwaizumi and Oikawa included. Their conversation drowned into the usual - aliens, volleyball, more aliens, Interstellar, Ushiwaka’s silly face, even more aliens - so far everything had been the same. 

But Oikawa looked up and met Iwaizumi’s eyes, who seemed a bit surprised that Oikawa was surprised to make eye contact with him. The brown-haired boy felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes widened, suddenly becoming nervous all of a sudden. 

Because no, this was not supposed to happen. This was not part of his routine, his pattern. Giving Iwaizumi hints of how he feels when he’s not ‘being annoying’ was definitely not part of the plan. 

“Hey shittykawa, what are you-” 

No, not that nickname. 

Oikawa leans over with his handkerchief, before wiping Iwaizumi’s cheek - because he actually hadn’t noticed before that Iwaizumi was a messy eater. Well, not regularly but right now, the rice grains on his face was definitely assuming otherwise. 

“Iwa-chan is such a messy eater.” 

Just as Oikawa was about to pull away, Iwaizumi had shot up from his seat, his hands slammed on the table, startling the former back into his own. 

“Why do you do that all the time?” Iwaizumi’s voice was careful, though a wrong answer definitely meant he would snap. Oikawa knew. He had to choose his words carefully. 

But the fact that Iwaizumi was pissed meant that he was not in his usual mindset for careful thinking. It was new, it was different.

“Why do I do what, Iwa-chan?” His voice sounded innocent and confused however Iwaizumi could tell that he was definitely anxious. But like Oikawa, Iwaizumi was not calm enough to choose his words wisely. 

Eventually, it would take a turn for the worst. 

“Why are you always like this? You’re always touching me and jumping on me, calling me ‘Iwa-chan’,” His voice mocking the sound of the nickname (Oikawa refused to let his heart hurt), “You’re always trying to embarrass me and do you think I appreciate it? Do you- I-. This is why not many people like you, Oikawa.” 

Just like that, everybody had stopped their conversations and focused entirely on the two. 

Iwaizumi’s POV

If there was one thing Iwaizumi was commonly known for, was his blunt nature - which often didn’t sit well with others. Especially with the way he treated Oikawa, Matsukawa had accused him of having an 8th grader syndrome. 

“Picking on those you like, I see.” Matsukawa had teased. But Matsukawa obviously knew of the childish crush Iwaizumi had on his best friend. Obviously Oikawa didn’t know. Yet Iwaizumi didn’t want to do anything about it. Because what was the point when a brash, unattractive guy - in his opinion - like him who was also shorter than his crush has a crush on the most beautiful being he had ever seen? (Matsukawa laughed at him for this.)

But Iwaizumi himself felt like he was an honest and selfless guy most of the time. But he knew that this time, he was everything but. 

Because in five sentences - and possibly less - he broke his friend’s heart and possibly his own. 

The classroom is quiet, save for the chatter outside in the hallways - students who remained oblivious to what is happening inside. The silence is broken by a light laugh.

Coming from Oikawa. 

His eyes were watery, but on his smile was the sweetest grin Iwaizumi had ever seen him make - sickeningly sweet and unbearably fake. “Iwa-chan is so mean-”

The boy’s voice cracked, and Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa knew that his façade had just failed for the first time. Iwaizumi knew it. Everybody else knew it. 

“Oikawa, I-” Iwaizumi is cut off by the sound of the door opening, their teacher popping their head in to call the chestnut-haired boy out of the classroom. The teacher did not question the tears that rolled down the boy’s cheeks, but merely looked at him in concern and at Iwaizumi in confusion. 

By the time they left, everyone else had forced themselves to resume conversation. Some of the male students had gone up to Iwaizumi at some point, patting him on the back, congratulating him, for God’s sake that apparently he had ‘defeated the guy who’s been taking all the girls’. He did not have the energy to brush them aside or the energy to argue, because he was the one who caused this pain upon his friend. He knew it, the students knew it. Definitely, the female students knew it by the way they had looked at Oikawa in concern and Iwaizumi in spite. 

***  
The next day, Iwaizumi convinced himself that Oikawa would not walk to school with him. Convinced himself that his good friend no longer wanted anything to do with him. Iwaizumi convinced himself that he was the worst person on Earth in under 24 hours. 

But Oikawa (hesitantly) skipped to his side as he was about to walk off by himself, while (hesitantly) looping his arm with his friend’s. He attempted to babble on about a new alien movie that he’d wanted to see, and Iwaizumi could tell with the inconsistent breaks in his voice and the way his grip would loosen on his sleeve that he definitely fucked up. 

At lunch, Oikawa was busy eating a lollipop with a novel in his hands. Iwaizumi knew Oikawa read but during lunches - it was the time saved for conversation between the two of them. 

‘Well, yeah he doesn’t want to talk to you,’ Iwaizumi’s mind was plagued with such thoughts, as he fought the need to hit the table in confusion and irritation.   
He needed to do something. 

“Listen, Oikawa, I-” 

“This is stupid.” Iwaizumi felt his heart skip a beat at the cold voice of Oikawa, and as if on cue, Oikawa raised the book up at Iwaizumi, with a bright smile on his face. “I meant the character.” 

Iwaizumi does not respond and even if he wanted to, Oikawa would have cut in anyway. He shouldn’t have let him continue talking. 

“She spends so much time believing he loves her, that he cares but he ends up leaving anyway.” Oikawa leaves a silence, before laughing (it sounds cheerful, but Iwaizumi could tell it was mocking and harsh), “But it’s because of money. He wanted money.” 

Iwaizumi breathes in. 

“As if you couldn’t tell that your feelings weren’t reciprocated, right, Iwa-chan?” 

Oikawa’s words were calm and collected and Iwaizumi desperately listened for his voice to break, for him to show a hint of weakness but Oikawa seemed to be prepared. His words were carefully delivered. Iwaizumi does not reply but instead feels the stares from the female students which burned into his back. 

***  
It had been two weeks and the game of pretend continued throughout. Many of the students had assumed they were back to normal - save for Matsukawa and Hanamaki who knew them too well, however had refused to interfere. 

Iwaizumi had had enough. By this time, it seemed like Oikawa had enough as well. 

The two were walking home and for once, Iwaizumi was initiating conversation. It was awkward and unnerving, but he tried. 

Topics like, “Hey, that movie you wanted to see won’t be shown in cinemas by next week, wanna go see it?” to which Oikawa would reply with a, “Don’t you have anything to study for, Iwa-chan?” 

Continuously after every starter, Oikawa would make half-hearted replies which effortlessly ended every conversation Iwaizumi had attempted to make. Iwaizumi was about to bring up the topic they had both dreaded, but Oikawa - as if he knew, cut in. 

Again, Iwaizumi let him and he regretted it. 

“Iwa-chan, I have to tell you something.” 

The sun was setting, the two standing on the footpath next to a park, the children had already gone on their way home. Oikawa stopped walking so Iwaizumi stopped himself as well.

“What is it?” 

“I have something to-” 

“Yes, you’ve said that.” 

Oikawa’s grip on his own trousers tighten as Iwaizumi realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, go on.” 

Iwaizumi felt his own heart tighten when he had said the words I’m sorry, hoping that Oikawa noticed that the apology was for many things as well. Many other things that he regretted. Oikawa turned around and smiled at Iwaizumi, as if Iwaizumi had done nothing wrong this entire time. 

As if he was completely forgiven. 

“There’s someone I like.” And just like that, Iwaizumi allows his mouth to open slightly in shock, too nervous to pretend any further. The world around him seemed to stop, as he felt his mouth go dry. 

“Who is it?” Iwaizumi asked, his voice far from calm. Please say it was him, please say it was

“It’s someone in our team.” Maybe it was him, maybe it was

“Who.” God, please, let it

“M… Matsukawa.” 

Iwaizumi had not realized the strop grip he had on his bag strap - which loosened after the mention of the single name. His hand fell to his side as he stared at Oikawa in defeat. He felt his heart shatter, his feet no longer feeling like they were able to walk any longer. Iwaizumi wished for it to be a lie, the words had sounded so sincere. But he felt like there was a lie there somewhere. 

He just knew it. 

There had to be. 

But that thought was pushed to the back of his mind as another came to nag. 

‘Why must I always think that everything Oikawa says is a lie? Why can’t I just let him be happy?’ 

Every emotion that he had been holding back for the past few weeks, for the past several years had morphed into something ugly, his eyes turning cold. 

Oikawa’s POV

“Well, then. Good luck for that then.” 

Really? That was all Iwaizumi had to say? Oikawa hoped Iwaizumi would get jealous or something. Insist that all Oikawa needed was him and vice versa. But who was he kidding. This wasn’t a romance movie. It was just the two of them standing by a park with no stringed instruments playing to a crescendo to signify a climax. 

It was just them. 

Not only had Iwaizumi’s answer told him that he didn’t like Oikawa in that manner, he was probably disgusted. Disgusted that his male friend had feelings for another. What other conclusion was there? Oikawa regretted his words when he felt a sickening feeling in his stomach. 

“Iwa-cha-” 

“Don’t fucking call me that for the last time!” Iwaizumi snapped again, and Oikawa thought he was prepared. He thought he was prepared for Iwaizumi to be angry at him again, but he was wrong. 

He wasn’t ready to lose the only person he cared about. “Why are you doing this to me, Iwaizumi?” Oikawa’s voice was raw and true, filled with cracks and breaks, his breathing uneven. “Why can’t you just treat me normally?! Why do you always have to be like this to m-!” 

Oikawa began to cough, realizing that he hadn’t taken a breath throughout that tangent. Tears began to fall down his cheeks, but he doesn’t make a move to wipe them away from his cheeks. He lets them fill up his eyes, the blurriness preventing him from seeing the expression on Iwaizumi’s face. 

Iwaizumi’s POV

He blinks. 

He himself hadn’t realized he was crying as well. Shit. He was meant to apologize, this wasn’t meant to happen. Iwaizumi had definitely not planned on making his friend cry again. Not Oikawa. He didn’t deserve this. 

“I hate this, I really hate this, Hajime.” Iwaizumi felt his heart tighten at the sound of his name. “I love you so much but I can’t-” 

Just like that, Oikawa stopped and Iwaizumi stared. The staring seemed to have gotten to Oikawa because he suddenly looked frightened. Lost. Scared. 

“I’m sor-” 

“You love me.” 

Oikawa turned to run, and Iwaizumi was too startled to stop him. But he yelled. “Don’t you dare run off-!” 

Oikawa stopped and nodded hesitantly as tears continued to run down his cheeks, whimpering as though he had just been hit. It hurt Iwaizumi to see him like that. It hurt him even more to know that he was the cause of it. 

“Oikawa-... Tooru. Why did you lie about liking Matsukawa.” He hadn’t realized his arm rested on Oikawa’s until the latter had pulled his arm away. 

“Why do you think? Can’t your caveman brain catch up, Iwa-chan? I wanted to get over you! You would never like me back and I couldn’t deal with these stupid feelings, I hate you so much, I-” 

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows in irritation, “But I like you too, Tooru. Why the fuck did you think I didn’t like y-” 

Oikawa’s eyes were fiery, his words were sharp and cold. “How was I supposed to know that?! You spend your days telling me I’m not well-liked, that I’m nothing, I’m stupid, I’m obnoxious! You spend your days belittling me and Hajime I know you don’t mean it, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt-!” Oikawa’s anger fades as he begins to cry again, hiccuping in between words and Iwaizumi feels his heart break. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve hurt over you. How much I made myself believe that you’ll never like me the way I like you. You’ve never-” Oikawa hiccuped and his breathing became erratic, his knees looking as though they were about to give up on him, “Y-you’ve never-!” 

Iwaizumi watched him, tears rolling down his own cheeks as he finally found the courage to come closer to his friend. However as he moves to hold him in order to console him, Oikawa instinctively steps back. 

Iwaizumi pretends like it didn’t hurt. But he persists.

“Don’t… just please don’t… I’ve tried so hard to get over you these past few weeks and you’ve just…” Iwaizumi holds Oikawa tightly in his arms, who didn’t move to fight him off anymore. 

“I’m so sorry. For everything.” Iwaizumi chokes on his words, but he feels his heart soar upon feeling Oikawa’s hands on his back. “For everything I’ve done and for everything I haven’t done, I’m so-” 

“I love you Tooru, I’m so fucking sorry that I’m like this. You don’t deserve that kind of shitty treatment- shit, I’m so sorry.” 

Oikawa, his voice muffled, asks nervously, “Did you say you love me?” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re lying.” 

“I’m not.” 

“Iwa-chan, you don’t have to feel sor-” 

“I am not pitying you, Tooru. I love you and nothing will change that.” 

The two look at each other for a moment and Oikawa breaks into a smile - honest and ecstatic before burying his face into Iwaizumi’s shoulder, the tears never seeming to cease. Iwaizumi sighed happily as he held Oikawa dearly. 

They no longer had to pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and reviews are appreciated. <3


End file.
